Thursday 5 May 2011

Does This Make Cars Congress, Or Just Democracy?

I hate traffic jams as much as the next squid, obviously, but I have to admit to being amused when the tailback I found myself caught in yesterday turned out to have been caused by some idiot sitting in the outside lane whilst dragging along a Senator caravan.

I'm not sure there's any better name for a massive, lumbering waste of space that prevents anyone else from moving in the direction they've all agreed to go, all whilst being dragged along by a force no-one else can see.

But why be so generic?  Why not name models after individual senators, so you know exactly what you're getting?

The Lieberman: Includes a Tom Tom that spends the entire journey telling you how your destination is the only morally acceptable choice.  Stops dead three miles from arrival until you agree to reverse direction.

The Bayh: Refuses to move unless you drive in the right hand lane [1], and only moves over for the most expensive cars, all whilst the onboard Tom Tom lectures you constantly over the importance of steady traffic flow.  Eventually stops dead, lamenting the massive traffic tailback it itself has caused.  The instant you unhook it, it ploughs into the nearest car and explodes, rendering the road unusable for as long as his FOX contract lasts quite some time.

The Obama: Peggy Noonan mocks you mercilessly for the money you spent buying it.  One year later, you're given control of all the roads.  Made in Hawaii, but no-one believes that because of the paint job.

The Binks: Sports an infuriating and racist Tom Tom which combines a might-is-right attitude with disgusting personal cowardice.  Somehow carries constant risk of destroying the democratic process.  A Republican, in other words.  Wait, what was this analogy about again?

[1] Not because he's American, but because he's a shithead.

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